every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)”. now, it’s important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself
so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead
now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here
the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family
eventually i grew tired of her lies, so now we only move jesus around in silence. one second he’s in the living room, the next he’s back in my room. in a way i think this adds an extra element of excitement to the holiday season, because you never know for sure when jesus is going to be moved again
and so it begins..
i was not fucking ready for this photograph
… this photo makes the whole thing so much better and I cannot stop laughing help I need oxygen
“That’s the fourth time this week you’ve brought up cannibalizing me. Should I be worried?”
“So needless to say, she peed on me.”
“Wow, this Heineken has such a smooth finish!”
“Do you think I can fit an entire orange in my mouth?”
“If I hear someone sing Hamilton in the shower again I’m joining them in their shower so I can drown them.”
“Someone just gave me a free cake. Should I be worried?”
“How did they manage to get that in BOTH shower stalls!?”
“How much caffeine is poisonous? Asking for myself, I’m actually worried.”
faintly, as though yelled from in a room down the hall “Can you come hand me my Swiss rolls? My head spins if I sit up.”
“Well you see, Marxism is actually” *anguished yelling from multiple people*
“Why is Ross sitting in a box in the hallway with a sweatervest draped over his head?” “Stress.”
“What’s the difference between an undergraduate research assistant and a random nosy 19 year old? Less than you’d think!”
“Let Bob Ross caress your happy little struggles away.”
“He talks like he thinks the world is waiting with bated breath to hear what he thinks about Fight Club.”
*screaming in harmony with a vacuum*
Ross is a big mood
Life Update: Ross has gotten married and is having a kid in August, the nosy 19 year old is starting her doctorate in the fall, and I’m marrying the person who retrieved my Swiss rolls (I had the flu).
